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May 2020

Kuks Open Book

MY EX HAD A VICTIM MENTALITY SYNDROME

MY EX HAD A VICTIM MENTALITY SYNDROME

Sometimes I just don’t know why people say love is blind, but I don’t blame those who say that because they blind themselves from what their heart is seeing.there is a human that has a heart, mind, body, and soul, the body and soul helps to live, the mind helps the body to navigate and the heart helps the mind to choose what the heart is saying so what are you saying sis?

Am that one girl who doesn’t just fall in love, it takes like years to catchup when it comes to love matters.so I meet this cute guy for the first time with the girls, he dropped me off and became very close, mind you to fall in love with him was the least of my worry because he wasn’t my type but sorry because every girl falls in love with the guy he’s not her type until she becomes a woman.haha

Sooner than later, we became friends and closer than the other guys I met on that day. I think we became close because we were both free to express ourselves without any fear or panic and to me, it was a great quality of a guy, little did I know he’s suffering from victim mentality syndrome but before I dig deep let see the meaning of victim mentality.syndrome

What is the victim mentality?

Victim mentality is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognize or consider themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case in the face of contrary evidence of such circumstances.

However, there are genuine persons who are victims over circumstances beyond consideration but still not unrepairable.

He had actually informed me about the circumstances surrounding the death of his mum and dad, trust me never feel pity for other persons lost only when they are pitiable by genuine reasons because some seek pity just to be the victim to attract attention and care with their own agenda to drain you emotionally.

We became friends and gradually I developed some love for him but mind you there were a lot of red flags.how do you describe a guy who makes women cry and boost with it. crazy huh?

what are the victim mentality symptoms?

You can bear witness that when someone really loves and care about you, he or she respects you, your opinion, and never hesitate to settle difference but with him, it was rather the other way round. he always wants to play the victim when he has even done something wrong to you, telling him to say sorry will demand him asking you to tell him why he should say sorry, at this point he is demonstrating a victim mentality.

I remember him telling me not to be friends with those girls again after a few outings together so I ask why then does he roam with the same friends because they are also friends with these same girls.

The reality is that people with victim mentality always want to take charge of your emotions so they try to evacuate all your loved ones in order to penetrate and take charge by you giving them all your attention undividedly. The idea of the victim mentality is thrown around to people who seem to wallow in negativity and force it upon others.

  • placing blame elsewhere
  • making excuses
  • not taking responsibility
  • reacting to most life hurdles with “It’s not my fault”

What causes a victim mentality?

LONELINESS: With my ex’s case, his victim mentality was as a result of loneliness from childhood, he grew up with the grandma and he was literally given everything so one’s he sense the sneer of “not getting what he wanted, he opts for victim game.

BETRAYAL: I won’t say betrayal from his past relationship because from the look of his own behavior and actions he can claim he loves you but he careless, you are less of his priority and he can live his life for days without saying hello or hi and the funny thing is, he expects you to come back and still smile as nothing has happened and when he realized that you are being strong by ignoring him, he pops up from nowhere and plays the victim even when he has rejected or refused to replay your text for days. he simply doesn’t take responsibility for anything.

How do you stop victim mentality?

SET BOUNDARIES: Some of the stigmas around a victim mentality relates to the way people sometimes blame others for problems or guilt-trip them about things that haven’t worked out.

“You might feel constantly accused as if you’re walking on eggshells or have to apologize for situations where you feel you’re both responsible, but someone doesn’t take responsibility.

In my case, I just set emotional boundaries and ignored whatever he does. the truth of the matter is that people with a victim mentality are most emotionally weak, so they experiment their weakness on others to take their strength.

So when you avoid breaking down in front of them, they feel weak and unaccomplished. I remember one time he stood me up for more than 3 hours, drove back home, and never ask or complain, neither did I allowed him to explain himself.

I invested more time with myself, hangout myself, and happy myself without worrying or complain about any of his actions and that was actually the Malachi of our breakup.

To confirm that people with a victim mentality are weak, stop complaining, don’t cry in front of them, be strong with anything they throw at you, play the I don’t care tactics, in the end, drain you emotionally because he personally confesses how strong I am, compared to his previous relationship, the truth is that they challenge you to be strong but can’t stand you when you prove yourself to be stronger than them.

 

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Relationship Chatroom

WHY HAVE YOU LOST YOURSELF?

WHY HAVE YOU LOST YOURSELF?
  • Why does “I have lost myself mean?
  • Is it normal to lose yourself?
  • what if I lose myself?
  • how do I begin to find myself

The perception or recognition of one’s characteristics as a particular individual, especially in relation to social context is simply the identity of one’s self.

How conscious is your today from who you are a few years back? This is one of the critical questions you keep straining your head with the past few days, am I right?

I want to assure you that you are not alone in this,we{myself and God} are with you so don’t worry because together we will overcome it.

I will do my readers disservice if I don’t share this series with you, in fact, I have kept this topic for a very long time asking myself if I can share this experience properly since I saw my beloved sister go throw this self-loss because of a relationship she could have prevented a long time ago.

I just finished eating a sumptuous Jollof with shito and beef, after eating this food I look back at myself and ask when was the last I had sit-down carbs like that? not to say I don’t have food to eat but my blood type doesn’t permit me to eat too many carbs like what I just finish, anyways it might be smaller than  you could normally eat but it was a big deal to me.

In early 2019, I made this strong decision to cut down my weight by checking my diet and exercise. honestly, I did extremely well with over 50ibs in a year, fast forward today, I have gained back almost 20ibs in just a few months.

so the question that am I asking myself is HAVE I LOST MYSELF?

3 years ago, things began to turn a drastic turn in my sister’s life due to the toxic relationship she was enduring,she laughed outside but cry inside, so I one day ask my she is bound to continue losing herself to someone who doesn’t deserve her love? so she asks me the same question, HAVE I LOST MYSELF?

Reflecting back to the reasons why I have kept this topic to myself because I have not personally experienced total self-lost, bounce back at me.i feel like God telling me its time to help someone out there.

so count yourself blessed if you come across this article because salvation and liberation has come for you today.

Most often than not, women are highly victims when it comes to losing self-identity or self-concept because your self-concept is a collection of beliefs about oneself. Generally, self-concept embodies the answer to “Who am I?”. Self-concept is distinguishable from self-awareness, which refers to the extent to which self-knowledge is defined, consistent, and currently applicable to one’s attitudes and dispositions.

Especially in marriage, relationships, raising kids, etc. women feel more of giving themselves out to make sure that their kids, husband, and any other person are perfectly ok than their own wellbeing. we are all victims but today I want to ask you this few questions:

  • What happens when you break down mental, physical, and emotional that you can’t do anything for the ones you love?
  • who takes care of those you are sleeplessly thinking off every day when you cant think again?
  • who takes care of you when you no longer have the strength to care for yourself.
  • how long will the man you are dying for, keep your memories when you die of anger and bitterness?

Remember! someone first loved you and still loves you unconditionally and his name is JESUS.

So my sister, WHY HAVE YOU LOST YOURSELF?

 

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LifeStyle

HOW READY IS YOUR DREAMS FOR THAT GREAT OPPORTUNITY?

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It doesn’t matter how bad it is or how hard it gets, I am going to make it in life because I have got the right stuff(life, dreams, purpose, potential, and God) When life hits you down, lay at your back because if you can lie down at your back, you can get up because you can see your dreams. It is better to have a dream before you get the opportunity.

so now the question is how ready are your dreams if you get that one opportunity?

As a young girl growing up in my village, I have always been told how great my future will be, I knew it, I saw it through my dreams, I knew I will be great woman someday.i have always held my dream at hand, so am always quick to reply or tell you what I want in life without a blink because my dreams always await my opportunity.

Sometimes people have to say No seven times until they say yes, so don’t give up keep pushing.  You can never be a winner when there is no help, insight, or plan to get what you need, give your life some empowerment, and that only comes from what we read, listen or see or how ready you are to that great opportunity you are waiting for.

when we(me and my friends) completed film school, it was my dream to pick back my blog again, I had something in mind(dream) am sure my friends were just about finding one, I just realize their dreams were to work for some other people but for me, I wanted to work for myself.

Early this year, I stopped working for free as an intern but they still work for free, believing they will be employed, I hope they do because I love them, I came to stay home and started investing my time and my energy on my dreams. sooner or later I started making some cent from my blog and the universe sent me favors from all direction to help me out just because I was ready with my dreams for an opportunity.

What is that one key that will reveal the uncertainty of what we need? whatever you have done today is the manifestation of what you have seen or hear, so do what gives your life meaning. listen, read and hear more

So today I woke quite late of which I wish I can change it because it distracting my progress of production but that when I am not able to do more work during the night.

There is always a new belief when someone does something great, then it possible and that is my inspiration.

When I have a lot on my desk, I turn to lazy around because I get overwhelmed so I let go. At the same time I have this tenacity of finishing what I set my mind to do.so I develop my mind to set realistic small goals to achieve what I want to do.

When I wake up today, I listen to my favorite speaker Leslie Brown a world well-known speaker who was mentally retarded, who feared to do what he was dreamed to do but never give up. today he is the world’s greatest speaker over a million people.

ONE OF THE GREATEST FAILURES IS WHEN LIFE IS LIVING ON YOU AND YOU NOT LEAVING ON YOUR LIFE.

So do you know what I did, I stopped myself from watching Netflix or youtube, went to my room to exercise, bath, write, and am feeling accomplished now?

How did I do this today? I listen to be inspired. sometimes you just have to listen, be creative and resillent.what people see it to be unnecessary should be beneficial to you, for all you know, it might be what will change your life forever. Get up out there, plan something to do, be inspired by something, and accomplish your dreams.

Am glad my dream is accomplished because I believe everyone is born for a purpose, but it necessary to associate yourself with great people, people who believe it not enough or end till they make it in life.those are the people you need to get what you want.we all have the greatness to manifest our greatness, and when you know that purpose is, it will be necessary to go for what is yours.

IT IS NOT ONLY POSSIBLE TO ACCOMPLISH YOUR DREAM BUT IT ALSO NECESSARY TO WORK AT IT,EXPAND OUR CREATIVITY AND BELIEVE MOVE. LESLIE  BROWN

We all have the energy to get to the next level but we have to get associated with people who share our vision, people who see it with us.seek out people who think like you.

I DONT BELIEVE NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION, BUT RATHER REFUSING TO ACCEPT THINGS THE WAY THEY ARE IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION. IF YOU DECIDE YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THIS, YOU CAN DO EXPLOIT.

Sometimes we can not see our own potential, but be careful the people with the people you entrust yourself with or who you tag along with your purpose, you might not necessary or fully know your potential but I know you have great people who can help me achieve what you need, so, therefore, have a great direction for yourselves and you will accomplish it.

To answer these questions, what are you doing? what brought you here and where are you going.

Have a great day, while you ponder on this question.

LOVE YOU.

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LifeStyle

5 THINGS TO BE GRATEFUL FOR IN THIS CORONA SEASON IN GHANA

5 THINGS TO BE GRATEFUL FOR IN THIS CORONA SEASON IN GHANA
  • Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.” – Henry Ward Beecher.
  • Gratitude turns what we have into enough.
  • Gratitude is a powerful catalyst for happiness.

knowing the above, can you sincerely tell me when it is necessary to be grateful? I am a  victim too so dont be too harsh on yourself but thank God for wisdom. I use to be a praying freak, God I want, God give me, ignoring God am grateful until I learn to appreciate the universe for every single day, needs and provisions,the more valuable things are mostly less appreciated, like life, when was the last time you woke up in the morning and said thank you Lord for life but when someone sent as momo, we call, send a message and call again the next day to say thank you countlessly until the person begs us to stop thanking them, neglecting the one who gives life.

There are more to be grateful for in life in this coronavirus season if you are living in ghana but this are the basics but essential needs for this abnormal days.

In today’s article, I want to draw your attention to important things you have been taking for granted in this corona pandemic. if you live in ghana, from today till the end and more of this abnormal season be grateful if:

YOU ARE ALIVE BEING IT POSITIVE OR NEGATION

5-things-to-be-grateful-for-in-this-corona-season-in-ghana
@kuksonlineofficial

Taking the right of movement from the human is simply like taking their life from them, imagine living in the square meter of your house without movement, it same as death, did you see how uncomfortable it was? put this scenario into perspective, think deeply about it and you will understand how merciful God has been to you and your family. People who pray for death only see the essence of living when they see how some people die, so whether you are positive or negative, alive or sick,be grateful because only the living can praise God.

TOXIC RELATIONSHIP/SITUATIONSHIP

5-things-to-be-grateful-for-in-this-corona-season-in-ghana
@kuksonlineofficial

Human beings are living only under the grace of Christ who is love, so therefore we live, move and exist because of the love, in as much as we were formed under the conviction of love, a lot are chocked, sick, sad, weak and unhappy because of one toxic relationship or situationship.we are in a season where love is the utmost gift to give so when your partner decides to abuse and maltreat you trust me you will be better of dead than alive.so if someone love and appreciate you in this pandemic, why not join the praise and appreciation jam and be grateful in this corona season in Ghana.

COHABITATION

cohabitation is the act of living together with someone, unfortunately,78% of persons cohabitating have several reasons, love, financial problems, homeless and many more. I remember years ago when I was struggling with accommodation problems, I stayed with a friend and the trauma I went through was worse than being homeless, at least you will have freedom of movement, freedom of expression and the right to do whatever you want on the street, this same accommodation issues lead me to do things I was never ready to do my entire life.so if you have a safe and personal place to stay in this pandemic without waiting outside for keys before you enter your room in ghana then be grateful.

 

FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE

Financial freedom is freedom from fears and limitations.we are in abnormal times where panic buying is the norm of the day, sometimes having your own money to buy becomes unbearably difficult in this corona season, how much more begging or borrowing before taking care of yourself or your family? if you are financially independence, if you can provide food for yourself without soliciting or waiting for the government to feed you then be grateful because someone really wish to be like you.

 

STRONG SUPPORT SYSTEMS

5-things-to-be-grateful-for-in-this-corona-season-in-ghana
@kuksonlineofficial

 

To have a strong support system is a gift and a privilege you cant trade, the essence of God creating humans was to worship him which is the utmost purpose of creation, but have you wondered why god ensured that we become each other’s keeper?

we give and take life when we support ourselves as human beings. people without family, love ones, and always lonely turn to have a short life span because of one’s deficiency of having someone to love, call, care for, and talk to cease to live.

my mum called to send me foodstuffs and she got pissed just because I didn’t pick up during the early stage of the corona, so I ask her why did she get angry because of that, that actually didn’t make sense to me before but when I look back and thing true well I get excited because I have someone who will and always willing to support me no matter how big or small she has and such basic things give life so be grateful if someone picks her phone to call to check up on you, don’t take it for granted, be grateful

 

 

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Relationship Chatroom

3 THINGS WOMEN DO WHEN THEY FIND A PERFECT GUY

3 THINGS LADIES DO WHEN THEY FIND A PERFECT GUY

Every woman dream of her own perfect guy, tall,dark or fair, rich, good job with a big fat bank account,luxurious cars, consistent with communication, intelligent, ready to learn, and the one who picks problems through my words without necessarily asking. he sees my worse behaviors as a learning process to better himself to face our lives together because love is two incomplete persons coming together to fill each other’s void. No woman wants to settle down with a man who preaches and paint women as gold diggers forgetting their mums as a woman. with all this perfection in their head, do you also know what happens when she finally finds the dream perfect guy?

Every man sees himself as a good man and vise versa but the truth of the matter is, a good man finds a good woman intriguing, blessed and happy unless a friend of his doubt what he is experiencing due to his past experience but when a good woman finds a good man, she solemnly unbelievably doubts what she is experiencing and consider it to be too true to be true. Women go through a lot of things when they find a perfect guy. The school of thought on who a woman or man really seems outmoded but still holds the strongest belief which seems not to wash off. The controversy of men are bad…dogs…trash and women are gold diggers, difficult to understand..worrisome and you do the additions.
The above mention of sex misunderstanding is all based on acquaintance, experience, and perception which of course convict people to conclude whatever they say or think but can you guess what women do when they find the perfect guy?

Good men also find it intriguing when a woman has the all-round package and qualities like self-dependent, industrious, respectful, and ego pampering.
So if you have a perfect guy who treats you well but still feels unhappy, there is a possibility you are having this problem when the man overbears the qualities you aspire in a perfect guy.

IT TOO TRUE TO BE TRUE(DOUBT)

3-things-women-do-when-they-find-a-perfect-guy
@kuksonline.con

what some women do when they find a perfect man is mostly ridiculous.A lot of women deserves or want a man who calls her baby, kiss her as he meant it, hold her like he won’t let go of her, doesn’t cheat or lie, wipe her tears when she cries, doesn’t make her jealous of other women but rather makes other women jealous of her, he is not scared to let his friends know how he feels about her and let her know how he feels about her but these same women will doubt the credibility of the man when she sees all these perfect treats doubt if he’s real and gets scared by asking if this is really true? this feeling sometimes makes women scared to open up more to perfect guys. if you are a guy and you observe this situation, the only solution is constant assurance.

 

SHE FEELS UNDESERVED

-things-women-do-when-they-find-a-perfect-guy
@kuksonlineofficial

some women do unbelievable things when they find their perfect guy. Can you actually blame her when she feels underserve of that love you are showering her? the answer is no because some guy you ignorantly know gave her a piece of trauma, betrayal, abuse, disrespect, and some to the extent of losing their self-worth, self-love. some women feel underserved of their color, size, weight, or their educational background. over the years, the fear of underserved among women of color especially has prevented a lot of women from enjoying their right to be loved making her feel worthless of how she is been adored by her own kind of perfect man. when this happens in your relationship, the only solutions are consistent words of affirmations to make her feel deserved and worthy of your love.

 SELF SABOTAGE

-things-women-do-when-they-find-a-perfect-guy
@kuksonline.com

why do you think a woman will sabotage her own self when she finds a perfect guy? the word self-sabotaging simply means deliberately damaging or preventing yourself from achieving something great for yourself without recognizing your passive-aggressive interaction style. This gets in the way of you focusing on her great qualities and holds yourself back from potentially becoming who you are meant to be.so you met this tall, dark, nice muscles in your dream car, he approached you and make his intentions to love you but your self sabotaging self tells you, how can a farmers daughter marry the minister’s son,it impossible so you stop picking his calls and ignore his messages.To stop sabotaging yourself, you need to figure out your patterns of behavior and then find creative ways to counteract them and form new habits.

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